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On Fear

I didn’t think this would happen but I’m finding it hard to work not because of procrastination or things getting in the way, but plain old fear. I’ve become very fearful of this game I’m making. As someone who generally ignores their own feelings and tried to get on with things, it can be hard to change tack when you need to work out how you actually feel. And more importantly, why.

Fear of failure. Fear of unfulfilling a dream. Fear that I’m not good enough to pull this game off. It’s easy to do something you have little investment in. If you’re doing it for the money or for fun, there is little to lose if it doesn’t work out quite right. When you’re creating something that is coming from deep inside you and it turns out to be utter crap – that is scary.

I’m constantly revising the scope of this project to try to fit it into my deadlines and what will remain loyal to my greater vision of Redacted. There is a constant fear that what is in my head won’t work, or I won’t be able to complete it to a satisfactory standard. I’m scared that I’ll make something very personal, very me, and people just won’t like it. Hell, maybe I’ll end up hating what I eventually make…

Development can feel like a bit of a cave dive. The start and the end have specific landmarks, but mid development can feel empty and no progress is visibly made. You feel like you’re doing the same thing everyday and what you do produce just sow seeds of doubt. I guess this is a big problem with working on your own. No one to bounce off. No one to feel lost with in this middle ground. No one to fail with.

I just need to get this thing done I guess…

  • Know what it feels like, although I have someone to fail with. Been at it for quite some time and the ambition is sky-high and the investment in time, hopes, dreams, sweat and tears makes me scared as well. Always welcome to give me a shout 🙂


    February 21, 2013